How can I assist my youngsters by means of examination outcomes day?

Results day is sort of right here for A-level, BTec, T-level and GCSE college students. It could be disturbing, so how can dad and mom and carers assist their youngsters by means of it?

“I am quite impulsive, I say and do the wrong thing a lot of the time, we’ve had arguments, we’ve had shouting.”

That’s Les Sutton’s very trustworthy evaluation of what occurred when his daughters, Anna and Emily, have been doing their A-levels.

Les, who’s 47 and from Chorley in Lancashire, says he struggled to know what they have been going by means of – partly as a result of he didn’t do A-levels or apply to school himself.

But Anna and Emily, now 23 and 20, say their dad did higher than he thought.

We requested them, and an skilled, for some tips about tips on how to get by means of the day.

Anna was actually nervous forward of her outcomes popping out, and spent the morning in entrance of her pc ready for them to drop.

Once that they had, Les drove her to varsity to gather them in particular person, which Anna says made her really feel actually supported.

Les says he had determined that it doesn’t matter what Anna’s grades have been, he was going to inform her “well done”.

“If they get top marks or bottom marks it’s not going to change anything. It is what it is and you’ve got to be positive,” he says.

Stevie Goulding, senior supervisor for folks and carers companies on the charity Young Minds, says this type of language is vital – as is asking your youngster how they’re feeling, and being cautious to not invalidate these emotions.

Stevie says this implies as a substitute of claiming “don’t worry”, say one thing like: “You’ve told me you’re worried and that’s OK, what can I do to help?”

To preserve conversations open she says you need to by no means let your youngsters hear even the tiniest trace of disappointment in your voice, together with when talking to others on the telephone or in household WhatsApp teams.

“Your words really matter,” Stevie provides.

Anna says her dad’s positivity was invaluable.

“It was nice to have that support of someone who doesn’t really care about the results, just cares about you and cares about your happiness.”

Planning a treat or chill-out time before and after results is something Les, Anna, Emily and Stevie all say is important.

Les recommends offering a family trip out to the cinema or bowling the night before, to help ease the stress.

Emily says she planned a night out on results night with her friends and her sister, so she had something to look forward to.

“We booked it so we might both have a good time or blow off some steam – a very good night time out to neglect the stress,” she says.

Stevie says it’s important to have a conversation and find out what your teenager would like you to do before, on and after results day. She says make plans, but be flexible, as things can change very quickly.

Emily wasn’t sure what she wanted to do, but as the day unfolded she realised – despite how supportive her parents had been – she didn’t want them around.

“I definitely needed time to process alone,” she says.

When she logged in at home and saw her grades weren’t quite what she had hoped for, she decided not to head into college to pick them up. She says she was worried that having to share her live reaction in front of everyone would have added to the stress.

Stevie says what’s really important is that parents are there for moral support, without crowding.

Chatting with friends and family proved difficult for both Anna and Emily on results day.

Anna says her friends kept going over what had happened in the exams themselves, while Emily felt pressured to share details of her results.

“It made me feel inferior,” she says.

“We simply should have said ‘I got what I needed for university’ or ‘I didn’t’.”

Emily also says she got phone calls from “multiple family members at nine on the dot”, which she found really frustrating.

“I wish they had waited an hour or so and let me ring them instead,” she adds.

Stevie says it’s helpful to remind your kids they don’t have to engage with anyone until they are ready.

You can also ask family members to only get in touch with them once you say it is OK.

Anna narrowly missed out on the grades she needed to meet the offer Salford University had given her to study biomedical science, but admissions staff decided to show leniency and accepted her anyway.

She has now graduated and is about to start a postgraduate course at Sheffield University. She says parents need to make sure their teenagers know that things can work out fine, even if your results are not exactly what you had hoped for.

Emily got a place to study criminology at Salford University, but a few months in she realised the course wasn’t for her and decided to leave.

Les says he wishes he had known more so he could have offered more advice and had more input when his daughters were making these kinds of big decisions.

“I hadn’t educated myself enough to be able to give them enough knowledge about what the other options were,” he says.

He urges parents to find out as much as possible about what’s available, whether that’s knowing what apprenticeships they can apply for, how clearing works, how you can appeal results or just giving yourself the confidence to take your time deciding what to do next.

Stevie says do your best to remove any pressure to dive into decisions your kids are not ready to make, and support the ones they are.

With all the preparation in the world, it is still possible that you’ll put your foot in it and say the wrong thing.

Les says because Anna and Emily live part of the time with him and part of the time with their mum, it wasn’t always clear where they were up to in their studies and this caused some tension – as did discussions about money when it came to planning for university.

He says when this happens and you end up arguing and shouting at each other, the best thing to do is to walk away from the situation. Make a cup of tea and give yourself five minutes to talk it through with someone else if you can.

Then go back, say sorry and if you were wrong, say so.

Stevie says these things will happen as it’s a stressful time for families. She advises parents to “personal up and apologise and attempt to be taught from it for subsequent time”.